Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Journal Entry # 17: Okay Lord, What is Next?

Abba, I ask myself what is next for me? Today at church I am reminded that I need to trust in You. I do not need to know every detail of my future; the why, when, how, or what, I just need to trust You, but I am struggling. I am getting closer to graduating. A lot has happened this semester that did not go the way I expected. I ask that You encourage me about the future. Abba direct my steps as You may. Help me to live in the now and to let tomorrow worry about itself. You will carry me through this life. 
9/26/2010

I am a control freak. I want to know everything that will happen before it happens. For some reason, I do not like to be surprised. I am learning to take one day at a time. It is God who will direct my steps.  I rest knowing that I do not need to know everything. This is a journey. I take comfort in knowing that before I was born, God knew everything. He is involved in every detail of my life. This morning I was encouraged by Psalms 32:8 "The Lord says, I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. I had to keep saying this verse over and over again. There are those moments when I tend to get nervous about what will happen next for me but I am learning to use God's word. I need His truth.




Monday, January 16, 2017

Journal Entry #16 Why Do I Doubt You Lord?

Why is it that after seeing all we know to be true about You, we still doubt? Abba, please forgive me because I have seen your faithfulness time after time and still doubt you. Please help me to take you at your word. I have no reason to doubt You.
9/9/10

Time after time I have seen God's faithfulness in my life. His Word is true. He is not a man that he should lie. I can not compare man to God. He will never be distrusting the way people have shown themselves to be in my life. I am amazed that, at the right time he always showed Himself faithful and trusting. Through my job search, apartment search, being in school and even my finances, my God is faithful. I know I can depend on Him. 



Question:

Why do you think that you might doubt God?

What do you do to remind yourself of God's faithfulness?

Friday, December 23, 2016

Journal Entry #15 Lord, Stand in the Place of my Dad...

Abba Father, as You know I wrote a letter to my dad and I can't lie I miss him. I wish I had more time with him. I wonder what he could have taught me? I wonder if he would give me away when I'm married? I wonder who would protect me? Protect me from guys? This night I'm hurt as I think about him. I know that You are my Father and I pray that You would stand in the place of my father. Please teach me as a father would teach his daughter.


4/4/10


I really struggled with the death of my dad. I was eight years old when he died of cancer.  I thought about him a lot. I would wonder who would teach me lessons about life or teach me how men are to treat me? I wonder who would protect me? But, I am glad to look to God as my Father. God has been my protector, provider, my friend, my strength, my resting place.

Father...

Provider
Matt. 6:26
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

Comforter
 2 Corinthians 1:3-4  
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

Loves Us
 John 16:27
for the Father himself loves you dearly because you love me and believe that I came from God.[a]
1 John 3:1
See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! But the people who belong to this world don’t recognize that we are God’s children because they don’t know him.

Compassionate
Psalm 103:13
The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him.

Corrects Us
Hebrew 12:6
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”

Guides Us
Proverbs 3:6

Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Thursday, September 01, 2016

Journal Entry #14 - Free me up, from the Fear of Rejection

Abba I pray for peace in my heart and mind. I no longer want to believe in the lies that I am worthless, ugly, and slow. I need (want) you to remind me of who I am in you. When I look at my past I see a girl that has been hurt. A girl that was lonely and invisible. Show me Your love for me. Show me that I belong to you
 3.10.2010


The pain from being rejected still haunts me. My mind is filled with memories of being rejected. There were many times I was called ugly, monkey, slow, made fun of because of my weight and height, I notice that sometimes I would isolate myself from others because I was afraid of being rejected by my peers. What others thought of me, consumed me. I placed more value on what others have said and thought about me then what God says about me, as his child. The Lord has shown me His love and everyday I am learning to lay down the fear of rejection.

Scriptures:

1 Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

Ephesians 1:3-8

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son.[a] He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

Quotes:

"Rejection isn't just an emotion we feel. It's a message that's sent to the core of who we are, causing us to believe lies about ourselves, others and God. -Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst



What would you say that you fear and why?




Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Malawi Mission Trip 2016

Its been two weeks since I have been back in America after being in Africa. I was able to go on a mission trip to Malawi. Since being back, I am still speechless. I can't find the words to explain my experience of being in Africa. The land is beautiful. The people are beautiful. The food is amazing. Some of the things I can take away from being in Malawi:

1) To be grateful.
There were days that we went without running water (could not take showers). I thought to myself that the Malawi people go through this all the time and I still see them praising God.
2) To Pray, Worship and Rejoice always.
I need to make up my mind daily to not let the world fill me up. I saw people walking for hours to get to church and while in church service praising God. I need to daily sit at the Lords feet and be with Him praying. 
3) I can live without social media.
During the trip we did not have much internet and we were okay.
Since being home, I have found myself sitting in silence and meditating on the scriptures.

I would love to go back to Malawi. It was a great time of growth and learning from the Lord.

Enjoy some of the pictures:














Saturday, December 26, 2015

Journal Entry # 13- Confused and Hurting


Abba, You are my love, there is none like You. Right now I feel like hiding and getting away from everything. Tonight I cry out to You and ask You to help me. I'm so lost, confuse, and hurting. Would you take me in Your arms.  What else can I do? What else do I need to go through? I want to let everything go, but I am so scared. I don't know what the future holds for me. Abba, take me and never let me go, Guide me in this life and never leave. Abba, Lover of my soul, please lead and direct my steps. I love You, Let me know that everything will be okay, because right now I am not sure what to do. I lean on You and trust in You. You know all things. I no longer want to trust in myself. Be the center of my life. Please calm my fears. My love, change my heart and mind. Change me from the inside and outside. Use me. Keep me in the apple of Your eyes. Hide me in the shadow of Your wings. My love You are my everything. I love You
11/3/2009




I wrote this during my undergraduate year in college. During this time in my life I wanted to know what I was to do with my life but I was confused because I was busy looking at everyone else's life and comparing theirs to mine. Sometimes I think well I am 27 years old, so that mean I am suppose to have three degrees or I am to be married now. But we all have a story and everyone's life is different. I have learned since that journal entry that I am where I am suppose to be. I continue to seek the Lord and take one day at a time. Enjoying where He has me.